person: god dang it
god: IT HAS BEEN DANGED




hoebutmadefashion:
“ I’m listening
”

hoebutmadefashion:

I’m listening


anti-scum:

three


have you ever been f****d in the a**
Anonymous

thatsthat24:

One time a flight attendant offered me a bag of chips and I happily accepted. It wasn’t until after I opened it that the flight attendant told me it cost money and I had to pay for it. And that would be the last time I would ever be fooled in the air.


jackwhitevevo:

once i was babysitting my neighbor’s 6 year old and she asked me why i was so ugly and without thinking i said “i’m you from the future” and she cried for like 30 minutes


coelasquid:

skylorde:

livinmokotory:

adhdalistair:

penisennui:

(via Justin Jorgensen)
“In 2007 I worked with photographers Williams + Hirakawa to create a concept piece of me sleeping on a sheet cake. I though these cakes looked like pillows, and there’s the obvious play on ‘sweet dreams.’

I wondered if I could fall asleep on a cake and have sweet dreams. I didn’t. It was pretty gross really and wasn’t easy to wash off.

A few years later, outtakes from the shoot were sold to Getty Images as stock photos. I didn’t know this until 2011 when one of those photos made #13 on the wildly popular Buzzffed.com list of “60 Completely Unusable Stock Photos.”

Into 2014, the Getty Image photo continues to make the rounds on Facebook and Tumblr.”

image

i can’t believe i leveled up enough to unlock cake pillow guy’s backstory

I can’t believe the “sweet dreams” joke didn’t occur to me


brie3po:

janebuzjane:

thoughtkiller:

clavid:

eloquentvibes:

clavid:

on the bright side i am not addicted to crack cocaine

On the downside I’m too poor to afford one.

one crack cocaine

hello drug dealer yes i would like to purchase one crack cocaine please

debit or credit

I actually have a gift card


magnusisms:

aeolus06:

the-peregrine-mendicant:

doomsong13:

fandomblogger:

i-am-funny-and-you-are-not:

0nehundred-sleepless-nights:

blainesbedroom:

diamondintherough96:

pudding-is-the-new-fondue:

just-a-cardboard-box:

a-very-not-royal-prince:

sociopathhasthephonebox:

you-cant-stop-the-moriparty:

OHMYGOD. 

Why would there be a bottle of wine on the stove?!

WTF Barbie you can’t use a cutting board for a bulletin board

BARBIE! you should know better than to leave a cheese grater on the edge of the fridge! someone could get hurt!

Um, okay, DOES NO ONE REALIZE THAT BARBIE is cleaning her kitchen floor with a garden hose? Get it together, Barbie.

OH MY GOD BARBIE! ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LEAVE THOSE DIRTY DISHES IN YOUR SINK? SERIOUSLY GET IT TOGETHER BARBIE!

…Seriously?

People. Wow. Open your EYES.

Is NOBODY going to point out how Barbie is CLEANING HER FLOOR

IN

WHITE

PANTS???

CLOSE THE DAMN REFRIGERATOR! YOUR LETTING ALL THGE COLD OUT!

Barbie, seriously? The blender on top of the fridge? You could get hurt!!1

Guys for the love of god how can you not notice the freaking rat next to the fridge?! WTF Barbie? Clean your house more often, would ya?

Barbie, who the hell puts a calculator on their fridge. COME ON! GET WITH THE TIMES!

I love how everyone pretends not to notice the toaster next to the sink. BARBIE! YOU COULD GET ELECTROCUTED IF THAT FELL IN! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER GURL!

what the hell is wrong with you people???!?!?!

omfg how can you not notice the fact the fridge has three layers of drawers on the bottom? what the fuck?? barbie fridges dont work that way im sorry

SERIOUSLY?!! YOU PEOPLE ARE SICK! CAN YOU SEE THAT A SERIOUS CRIME HAS BEEN COMMITTED HERE?!!

THAT WALLPAPER! IT’S HIDEOUS! Get a freakin’ sense of style, woman!

theres a dead body


gendersnaps:

keepongaming:

last year i was eating in a fancy, large restaurant when i began to hear a rumble and the distant sound of people chanting ‘potassium, potassium’ and suddenly hundreds of people dressed as bananas flood this restaurant chanting potassium over and over and we were trapped there for a very long time because the bananas would not leave and they were everywhere

image

image
i wasn’t joking

this post has haunted me for like 3 years. every time i start to think i imagined it, it shows up on my dash again and then immediately disappears into the ether for another 17 months


notclickbait:

bleatsbydre:

uoa:

Only 90s kids will remember

it doesn’t matter how slow you go so long as you don’t give up

ok someone please explain this to me 



tombstonettromboners:
“ matthewsagan:
“ Show us the birth certificate Donald
”
WHERE’S YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE DONALD
”

tombstonettromboners:

matthewsagan:

Show us the birth certificate Donald

WHERE’S YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE DONALD


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